Ever wondered how you can give your child special powers to deal with any uncomfortable situation? Read on NOW!
Okay so a while ago I went to one of my closest friends baby shower and surprise surprise there were kids everywhere.
One little boy who was about 3 years old got my attention. He was very cute and a little smaller than the other kids and he kept falling down or bumping into things and hurting himself. Poor little guy. And what I noticed is every time this happened he not only got his mother coming to the rescue and comforting him but the whole room broke out into “awww is he okay?” “poor guy” “oh no!!” and immediately flocked to him.
What a lucky boy! I wish every time I went ass over tit on the train, the whole carriage would flock to me and give me cuddles and attention. But obviously I lack the cute hidden charm of a 3 year old 🙂
But what those women did is a natural human reaction…maybe not to a 20 something year old on a train getting hurt but a little boy? hell yes! Its that motherly instinct that’s engrained in us to protect our young and make sure they are okay. You see it all the time. David Attenboruough even talks about it with lions or other mammals “the protective mother nurses her cubs wounds…”
But it kept happening! He would find something to cry about. Whether it was the fact his giant adult sized cupcake fell out of his tiny hands (if I had a giant cupcake I would most likely drop it) or he tripped over the chair leg (which wasn’t there a few seconds ago so completely understandable) those same few people with those motherly instincts gasped in shock as if it was some incredible horrific incident and gave him some attention to make him feel better.
But what did that little boy learn from that situation? Did he learn to look out for things that were bumping into him? No I didn’t see anyone explain anything to him. Or did he learn that if he cries he can get soooo much attention? Yep.
When a baby is born the first way it learns to communicate is to cry. Cry because you are hungry. Cry because you have a wet nappy. Cry because you are uncomfortable. And the baby doesn’t know any better so he/she is just going to keep crying. And the unconscious mind LOVES habit so of course a cry is used for a number of things because it nearly always gets the same outcome. MUM COMES! So even as we get older and learn the tools to cope with situations like when you are hungry or uncomfortable, we still sometimes get that urge to call Mum. I still do it to this day. 🙂 Also New studies have argued a humans brain isn’t fully developed till you are around about 25!!!! 25!!!! That’s nuts! So if you think about this little boy that has only 3 years in existence it would be virtually a blank canvas with a few spots here and there of how to eat, talk, walk and what makes me giggle (a very important magical spot) And if i want anything from Mum I need to cry. So he only knows those spots and nothing else. He needs to learn new spots other than crying to add to that mind canvas. And the thing to remember is that all of us are constantly learning and adding a few more spots on that canvas and even rubbing out the ones that simply don’t work.
So that child only knows that if he/she cries, mum or someone is going to come and give me attention and make me feel better. The magical power is how you can use your childs wonderful imagination to learn the coping mechanisms so that the cry only lasts a few seconds or maybe even no cry at all. The trick is to find your child’s ‘Buzz Groove’.
The Buzz Groove- a short word, phrase, gesture or something that automatically provides relief that is personalized and empowering to the individual.
After a while I got a little irritated as others did of his constant crying and one of the girls had an idea of giving him a balloon. And in about 5 seconds (because remember he probably has never seen a balloon in his life or knows how they work…he’s missing that spot on his mind canvas) he let go of the balloon and it flew away. So of course everyone gasps and you can see his face scrunch up and frown and about to muster the biggest cry this baby shower has ever seen!
So without even thinking I ran up to him and picked him and said “Wow look at what you did! You have magical powers! You made the ballon fly! Look how high you are making it go! You are magic!”
And within seconds he was laughing and giggling and pointing upwards and I used his finger to make him think he was moving the balloon all across the sky.
How fun it was! Luckily, this child’s ‘Buzz Groove’ was magic!
Next I told him “Next time you get a balloon you can either keep it and make sure you hold on tight so it stays with you or you can use your magical pointing powers to make it fly away” Now there’s a cool lesson and what a brilliant power.
Another example is when I teach kids drama. When I first started a few years ago they gave me a first aid kit and I realised if I gave every kid who was upset because of a microscopic dent in their pinkie finger a band aid I would have to replenish the first aid kit every term and the kids would only learn that if they felt any kind of pain they need a band aid. But band aids aren’t everywhere so not the best coping mechanism for a child. So the next time a kid came to me with a small scratch, I assessed the severity of the scratch to see if it needed a band aid and 9 times out of 10 it didn’t but I knew the kid would not be satisfied so I invented a ‘Buzz Groove’ which was known to the kids as a ‘Fairy blow’. Which is just me blowing a small puff of air on the finger and because you are giving the kids this magical tool they can do it themselves and instantly feel relief. Because only the teacher would know the best way to cure a scratch. heehee 🙂
Another situation happened last week with a little girl who accidentally backed into a boy sitting down and fell on his face. He started crying really loud.
Me: it’s okay. At least she didn’t fart on your face.
Me: (to little girl) now apologize for accidentally falling on his face.
Little girl: I’m sorry.
Me:(to little boy face victim) now thank her for not farting on your face.
Little boy: Thank you for not farting in my face.
(Giggles all round)
So I learnt that farts are this boys ‘Buzz Groove’ ahahaha!
How fun would it be to teach your child imaginative ways to cope with difficult situations. Find that hidden power that makes them laugh and show them how to do it on their own. They will grow up using this tool and will keep using the power of their minds. Every child is different so find out what makes them tick or that ‘Buzz Groove’. For me when I was little I was a very cuddly child and when I would cry, my dad said it was like a cartoon character, the tears just kept coming!
More examples of Buzz Groove
So my dad invented the ‘Kelly Cuddle’ a short cuddle with a few gestures that my dad would give me that only lasted a few seconds (so I wouldn’t get too clingy) that always made me feel better. To this day I still see my dad now and again for a Kelly cuddle but now I have learnt new imaginative ways to deal with situations so a ‘Kelly Cuddle’ is very rare but just as special 🙂
For my partners niece who is just 18 months old its the song ‘you are my sunshine’, which was used ever since she was born to get her to sleep or stop her crying. Now at 18 months when her parents are busy driving, she sings it to herself to get to sleep. What a smart baby! That song is her ‘Buzz Groove’.
So go and find out that short ‘Buzz Groove’ that makes your child use their imaginations and take that discomfort away. The ‘Buzz Groove’ could be dancing, imagining they are eating a chocolate cake (I once had a child druelling in hypnosis imagining eating a cake), kicking there favourite ball or being their favourite super hero. It can be anything! Get them to do it themselves so they can do it anytime in any situation. Remember the unconscious mind LOVES habit so do it every time they feel discomfort and get those good feelings going.
MTPA Sydney Hypnotherapy offers Family Hypnotherapy to help families with children with behavioural problems, Anxiety based problems and more. Contact me for more info here.
Till next time,